christmas, xmas, whatevermas. (or: i’d rather just be jewish, thanks).

so remember the blog about me not being so crafty? well, this is applicable to xmas, too. not that one must be crafty at xmas, but…you have to do the whole tree thing, which would involve a whole decorating thing, which would lead to a whole christmas spirit thing. oy. so EVERY single year, i stress out about a tree. and this becomes the conundrum my tiny little mind gets into: should i buy a live one? is it bad for the environment to grow, cut, use and then throw it out on the curb like a dirty little secret for everyone to see? should i buy one from target? they cost a small fortune and are kind of ugly. and fake. should i go to home depot and get a rosemary bush and decorate it, so that at the very least i could use it and replant it? no. i cannot do that. stupid idea. a tabletop tree? no, too small and screams that i don’t give a shit about christmas. which is…peculiar because as a child i LIVED for xmas. LIVED for this holiday. my mom, in particular was/is very high on the xmas idea. she loves it. decorates all kinds of shit around the house. lampposts on the outside, bathrooms on the inside. frealz. so, as a kid, i would ask for One Big Thing every year. one High Dollar Item. the one Thing, that if i got it, would make me happy for the rest of the year. of course, every year it was a different Thing. one year, i really wanted a garnet ring to wear on my 10-year-old finger. another year it was a barbie corvette. and this was The Game my parents played on me each year: first, i would open a number of small gifts in succession…things i liked, things i had a mild interest in. girly make-up kits, little gift-y stuff from spencer gifts. i would pretend, of course, that i did not know of The Game, but i always did. and THEN…judy and al would go to the back of the house, to their bedroom, always under the guise of getting another cup of coffee. they would then emerge and i would be presented with my Final Gift. i would squeal in elation! the Gift i really wanted! the Gift i really wanted! you GOT it for me! sounds taxing and slightly showy and dramatic, but it really wasn’t. my ‘rents loved this little holiday tradition and it was fun. i loved it, too. so now, as an adult (yawn) i feel the need to create an exciting xmas for my dear son every year…but, um…yeah, this is me we are talking about. so, at this point in my grown-up life (again, big yawn) i am now in “it’s after thanksgiving and i am panicked because i think this is when i am supposed to put up an xmas tree” mode. my mind goes blank. then my mind goes to the live vs. fake vs. rosemary, should i replant it debate. paralyzed with indecision and starting to feel the guilt of being a Horrible Holiday Person creep in, i go to one of my good ones. the thrift store that never lets me down and i find it:  the vintage aluminum tree circa 1960 that i have waited my whole adult life to find. my tree. the one that fits my life. my style. these particular trees are rather hard to find, mind you, and go for a pretty penny on ebay. no color wheel, but that’s okay. it’s the christmas tree i really wanted and thought i’d never find. and i decorated it. with love i decorated it. when it was finished, i squealed with a bit –just a bit– of christmas delight.

next on the wish list: a groovy magical menorah.

©littlebrownbutterfly