is love so fragile and the heart so hollow?

it’s been pointed out to me recently that i fall in love with everyone i meet. while i will agree that i do indeed have some very aquarian humanitarian traits that would lead one to construct such a paradigm, it’s more complicated than that. sigh. isn’t everyfuckingthing?

i’m recently single again after a couple of years of consistently having a beau in tow. it’s an interesting place to be. i do what i want. i wake up alone a lot. i eat what i want, when i want. i like it. for now. the truth is, i have always had this rather grand, idyllic idea of a Soul Mate/my Other Half…finding each other across the centuries, all that. is it hope? ridiculousness? does some magical destiny of fated love await me? god, i hope so. i’ve actually been quite lucky at love: really great men scatter my past. i’ve dated the most accomplished of musicians (hi my sweet benmont…i love you still!). real estate developers. rich kids with huge trust funds. architects. lawyers. i’ve loved each, i’ve loved every one. but now that i am alone (again) i have been pondering what makes a great love. a love great. do you know? have you had it? do you have it now? i recently came across some fantastic old romance novels at my fave thrift haunt. i was actually looking for a julia child cookbook, but as my fingers grazed across the bindings, they stopped–oddly–at a couple of harlequin romance novels. i have never been one to read these (i’m more of a carl sagan gal), but seeing them in the stark light of my newly found single-hood, gave me pause (freaked me out, really). all the questions i have about the world of dating/love/loss that i am, ahem, hesitantly re-entering flashed before me. does he like me? why hasn’t he called? will he call? do i even like him at all? will i ever meet anyone with whom i share a connection AGAIN?!?!?!?!?!?! these questions presented another, single, unnerving question: am i doomed at love? because, let’s be honest: all the best past beaus (and one ex-husband) aside, i’m single. again.

so i bought both of the books. i’m hoping to find within the pages some hope, some cheesy answers, some inspiration. some magic. something to hold onto as i march forth in search of love…of something i can’t see.

©littlebrownbutterfly