there are times when i stop, i take an objective look at my life and am amazed. amazed at the Not So Great things i have been through in this little life of mine. the things i thought would absolutely fucking kill me and that i have survived them, somewhat, kinda sorta, still intact. but i’m also seeing the amazing things, the life experiences that appear out of left field that catch me positively, unambiguously, totally, 100% off guard. the things that i could not have planned, orchestrated or controlled. you know, the stuff that counts. these little moments, these big moments are what make the unbearable times worth it all.
i recently reconnected with someone that i have known for around or about 14 years. parallel lives for certain, just the players, little details, nuances, in each life different. the thing about this reconnection, this meeting of perpendicular lines, is that it has brought about an immense amount of self-reflection (surprised, dear readers!??! i thought not.~). 14 years. 1996. oh me oh my. not quite vintage, but close. i don’t need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows.
bukowski’s says in “the laughing heart”, “be on the watch. the gods will offer you chances. know them. take them.”. i take every chance i get. i go against the grain a lot to the amazement, dismay and wonder of my family of my friends. i know no other way. i’m a gypsy at heart, a fool for any kind of offering that may lead to adventure, love, heartache, heartbreak, laughter, happiness… so when i was reintroduced to my old friend, it put me back on the never-ending who am i?, where am i going?, what does it all mean? track. as a result, what i am finding is that the last 14 years have been – maybe possibly perhaps – leading me exactly where i am supposed to be RIGHT NOW. this moment. this day. a revelation of sorts for moi. i am not asleep, this i know; i am awake to the possibilities that can exist even when i cannot see the direct line from the past to the future. it all seems to be such a relentless trudging though sometimes, does it not? but i’m learning that the ‘trudging through’ is absolutely parallel to the amazing things, the things that take your breath away, that give you pause, that enlighten, that heal. the parallel becomes perpendicular, eventually.
14 years is not so long to learn such a sweet sweet sweet lesson.
(photo with davey faragher taken 14 years ago, courtesy of benmont tench. hat courtesy of andy slater.)
©littlebrownbutterfly
the parallel becomes perpendicular, eventually.
you are a poet lisa. excellent. love you.
and i love you, amanda.
Jeez Lisa are you cute enough in that picture?
love
Benmont