how does your garden grow?

the drought in texas has left dead grass and destruction everywhere. in an attempt to help my water-thirsty yard along, i decided fall was the best time as any to do a little gardening. not having all the right tools necessary to tidy things up, i set out to find them at my trusty secondhand store — discarded shovels, rakes, trowels. the coolest apparatus i found was a vintage weed destroying tool called a ‘hula ho’. i know it’s not quite the right season to be planting flowers and such, but getting the weeds out and filling in some spots with flowers seems like a nice idea — with regard to my yard and my life.

have you ever known someone who turned out not to be such a good person? a backstabber? a liar? it’s an unsettling feeling when you finally realize the truth, no? for some time now, i have been in the long, rigorous process of cleaning up – not only my yard – but my own house as well, figuratively speaking…making sure my side of the street is clean, yada yada. the problem with this practice of continual purging is that my tolerance for bullshit is low low low. i don’t like crazy makers. i don’t dig people who only seek to create drama. i’m very uninterested in chaos — um, let me rephrase that: i don’t/won’t/will never ever ever ever (oh — did i mention ‘never’?) participate in any version of the Karpman Drama Triangle, ok? so if and when i get a whiff of even a teeny tiny inkling of crazy, i retreat. i back off. i run. i’m the sensitive and somewhat naive kind, so sometimes i get confused when the chaotic creeps its way into the landscape that is my life. why? because i always try to see the best in people. but taking the blinders off a bit earlier in my encounters seems like a good idea these days. this naivety is what sometimes attracts the wrong sort of folk to me: uncomfortable in your own skin? GREAT! want to pawn some of your baggage at my store? DROP IT OFF! wanna go ‘round and ‘round about some issue that is completely and totally insane and keep having the same conversation about it for days on end? LET THE CIRCLE GAME BEGIN! wanna send 25 paragraph emails that have a lot of words but essentially say absolutely nothing?!? FLOOD MY INBOX, PLEASE! anyway, dear reader, you get the point. some people are so kooky that they go out of their way to try to make YOU feel the same. sad. and please believe me when i tell you that i stand on no moral high ground here; i’ve had/still have my moments. much like earl hickey*, i’m currently working through my own list of apologies to those souls with whom i need to right a wrong. but these days, the lesson seems to be more about serenity and saneness and less about drama and insanity. more about the flowers than the weeds. i guess having to pick through a few weeds every now and again is just a part of having a beautiful garden.

*earl hickey — from ‘my name is earl’.