expectations and the fine art of falling on your face.

i am not really one to have too too too many expectations. but wait – hold on – yes i am. the sneaky thing about expectations is that you don’t know you have them until they are not met. if i have an idea of something going one way and another unplanned (um, unexpected-) thing happens, the letdown can be ov-er-whelming. letdown often leads to pain, to suffering. i’ve been experiencing quite a bit of this lately. you see, i have begun practicing yoga….and oh me oh my — talk about expectations. i thought i knew my body, my mind so well. WRONG! like a robot it seems that i have been going through the motions in my life. asleep at my own wheel. with yoga, there are things i simply cannot do. but the expectation i have of myself is that i should be able to do it all, do it well and do it now. laughable, really. the mind, the body, the breath all must meet in order to perform a certain asana, a specific pose. bakasana is currently the pose that is illuminating my way, teaching me just how impatient i am. reminding me that i need to slow my ass down and breathe. showing me that my expectations of what i should be able to do and what i am able to do are quite the opposing forces. and so it goes in my life. what i thought i would be doing in this little ‘ol life ‘o mine is different than the reality. who i thought i would be with/what i would be doing/when i would get there/where i would be living…and on and on and on. my expectations are set-ups for failure, misery and unhappiness. opposites of what i really want. and so again i come to bakasana and what i will ultimately need to master it: patience, practice, courage and the art of having no expectation. i cannot tell you how many times i have fallen on my face when attempting it: literally. fallen. on. my. face. the lesson has been hard, but aren’t they all? i guess the point is that when we have expectations of ourselves and of other people, we get let down. we fall a little bit from whatever dream cloud we have been perched upon. what i expect will not always be in line with what you do. what i do will not always be what you expect. a fair amount of falling forward is required in this life. if it feels familiar to be afraid, find courage. if your expectations are out of line and causing you to suffer, let them go. fall forward with me. sure, it might hurt, it might be scary and it might even get a little uncomfortable…but don’t expect any of those things. after all, pain is a part of life. but suffering? completely optional.