I was having one of THOSE spells. You know the ones: hours spilling into days, days turning into weeks, weeks turning into Oh-My-Fucking-God-What-Am-Doing-With-My-Life, why am I alone, when will the oyster beget a pearl, everything is not going according to plan – Oh my God, I’m slowing dying and I can’t see my way out of this.
You know, THAT.
Over PEI mussels and Americanos, I told my bestie Chella that I was um, “worried about myself” and that in fact, I might actually be “fading away”. This happens to me occasionally when I spend inordinate periods of time alone. I’m an only child so shit can get away from me real quick-like, especially in the form of that little unit of measurement that human beings call “time”. Anyway, she told me to meet her that night at her place, 8PM, that we were going to a party. “Don’t ask questions, just show up, Lisa.” I was so happy to be going anywhere with anyone that I’d have gone to the Gates of Hell if that’s where she’d suggested we go that night, k? So:
It always happens when you aren’t looking. Isn’t that what every annoying motherfucker who is already in a relationship says? Comforting words? No. Super exasperating? Uh, yes. But that’s how it happened this time, for me – with my best pal, at a party, acting the fool, being totally ridiculous, being myself. Laughter and then locked eyes… kismet, not coincidence. “Surprise, surprise, Lisa – you’ve been asking, we’ve been listening. Here ya go, don’t fuck it up!”
So yeah, okay Universe – I’m listening, too. And this time – this time, I won’t.
This time is gonna be different.
©littlebrownbutterfly