donnie, marie, stevie and me.

music is my savior. i was saved by rock and roll. those lines actually come from wilco. today i found a record player at a thrift store very near to my house. very near to my heart. i did the usual: looked it up on my iPhone, checked around to see the value. hemmed and hawed a bit internally, “i can’t spend $10 EVERY time i find something somewhat cool, can i? no! i cannot. but i NEED a record player…, oh, just fucking GET it, it’s only $10, you are MAKING money on this, lisa, jeez.”). it’s a pioneer and listed between $70 and $250 depending on where one searches on the the interwebings, but none of that is the point. two weeks ago, i began having a serious existential crisis. this was the real thing and truthfully, i think i am still muddling through it. who am i kidding? i know i am. the EC, as i will now call it, led to the genesis of this blog. i started writing a poem about a little brown butterfly who was afraid to fly. and by “fly” i don’t mean cruise around in the air aimlessly. i mean fly. excel. do it. be it. what the army ads say. since my pregnancy and ensuing marriage and the dissolution of my marriage, and my move to texas from los angeles, i have been, after NINE years, (think about how long nine years is for a moment, please-) having a hard time getting my ducks back in a row. my groove back. i took it all a lot harder than i really knew. anyway, blah blah. when i was 11, i discovered stevie nicks and her record, bella donna. before this pivotal point in my life, i was buying shit like the osmond brothers and donnie and marie, when they wore those pink and purple matchy outfits. and then i saw that record cover. camelot music in the mall. panama city, florida. black with the white silhouette that was stevie nicks. the bird. the look on her face. the magic. who WAS she? how was I so lucky to be seeing this? does anyone else know about this? this record was a treasure and I was finding it. i discovered it all on my own. 11. everything became about that record, about stevie nicks. i was totally enchanted. corny, i know, but really the only way i can adequately describe my years between the ages of 11 and say…oh, today (i’m 39-). i would lock myself in my room with the old sony record player that my parents eventually stopped listening to and eventually found it’s way to my lonely, only child room. Note: when the ‘rents stopped listening to their record albums together, i knew on a subconscious level their marriage was over; they would later divorce when i was 30. i still listen to bella donna. ‘think about it’ is my favorite song. soon, i’ll be listening on vinyl. i need a receiver. and i will find it. i will search with patience. and i will find it, one day, eventually.

© littlebrownbutterfly

5 Thoughts on “donnie, marie, stevie and me.

  1. Nanette on October 30, 2009 at 1:39 am said:

    purple is my fave color BECAUSE of donny osmond

  2. You were 11? Uh-oh, I’m OLD.
    It sounds sooooo much better on vinyl.
    Vinyl alone will help your EC bigtime.

  3. I can relate to the EC. Had a kid, moved to Austin, relationship ended…but I didn’t stay, I came back to LA. Still going through the EC and sometimes wonder if I shouldn’t have stayed in Austin. Or not gone in the first place. See how it goes round and round? I get it, my friend. I get it.

  4. Shuttleshit on October 30, 2009 at 3:31 pm said:

    I never bought a Bella Donna when I was collecting vinyl. Don’t think I’ve ever even heard the record. But Stevie burns it up on Tusk, which is one of my all-time favorites.

  5. I have been in an existential crisis for 20 years. Hahahahah. I will be your gypsy.

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