i have fallen behind on writing my blog. i feel badly about this. i sometimes (read: very often) feel badly about a lot of things: not so stellar things that i have done in my past. things i have said that have hurt others. not taking my passat in to the volkswagon dealer to have the oil changed in a timely manner. not sending quickly enough the freshly-ground peanut butter that i buy at whole foods for my 86-year-old granddaddy grant in florida. not being patient enough with my son. not being nice enough to my ex-husband, who is so very very very nice to me. not visiting my family enough. not meditating enough. not making “enough” money. not making it in LA as an actress. not not not. i am a worrier, too. worry worry worry worry, that’s me! add this to my somewhat constant feeling shitty about stuff and i’m a walking, talking Bad-Feeling Worrier (Warrior?). for what? my birthday is next week and i’ve really been trying to put things such as worry and feeling badly into perspective. from where does all this stem? (i don’t have an answer on that yet, but i’m close to solving this fascinating riddle…) i don’t want my 40’s be consumed with bad. i want my life to be consumed with good. doing good things. helping people. feeling good about my good choices and leaving the rest behind. leave what belongs in the past. tonight i went to the goodwill near my house. my son wanted to go play xbox live at his dad’s and i had a little time to kill. i found a 60’s print of the desiderata. i went straight to it, as if it were put on the shelf for me. a sign? maybe. maybe not. a gentle reminder to be a little nicer to myself? absofuckinglutely.
(ps-the sun kil moon version of neverending math equation is DEFINITELY worth a listen or an itunes download…)
©littlebrownbutterfly
that page in desiderata….so right on. be good to yourself girl. xo
“With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.”
Indeed. Hope you get around to feeling better.
It’s gonna be an amazing year Lisa. Let go, drop the rocks.
xoxox
Every one of your blogs provokes so much reflection and inspiration for me. THANK YOU for sharing your thoughts so eloquently and honestly. That piece, Desiderata, is amazing! It breaks my heart to think you might really feel like a “walking talking bad feeling worrier” (hopefully that was just a writers artistic license) …I see you as a walking talking, generous ball of bright, light & energy, exploding with action and fun who seeks out and beauty where others walk past…just so ya know.
That’s nice, Terri. I agree wholeheartedly. Lisa is a rare and precious furry bird.
Happy Birthday, I’m glad you’re in the world. Enjoy your blog!
-Steve
Thanks, I needed that too.