requiem for an ashtray, a requiem indeed.

i sat down and had a little talk with myself today. about all the things that i have accumulated while thrifting that were cool, neat-o, rad and awesome at the time of find and purchase, but aren’t really serving a purpose in my life anymore. things such as: the haeger ashtray that was purchased only because it was a haeger, not because i smoke (i don’t), the impeccably tailored high-end women’s jacket with a collar that is just a little to clown-y, garish, looks-more-like-a-vintage-costume-than-a-cool-piece-of-clothing i can seamlessly integrate into my existing wardrobe. oh and let’s go on ahead and throw in all the negatron (that one’s for you, ted shuttleworth in New York!), thoughts and people and places and things that once served me, but just simply do not anymore. things that need to just go. bad thinking is a habit. toxic people become habits. i have a very good pal in la, who told me that he and his “friend” of 2+ years had finally, totally, once-and-for-all, absolutely this time lisa, ended things. he said that he was in excruciating emotional pain and that the truths he had to swallow about himself were hard hard hard to admit to, but that he knew he was better off without her. the right thing. goodbye ashtray. you are taking up room in my house. goodbye negative person, you are taking up precious room in my psyche. as humans, we have a lot of room for error, but not a lot of time to dilly dally and live with the constantly blinking-in-red error message once we know The Truth.

oh and also: the truth is there, always. right in front of you. that’s what i know. little signs, things everywhere leading you to what is right, what is true for you, what you REALLY want. our Subconscious Wildest Dreams are possible, even though–sigh, sniff, scream–we are not always awake enough to pay attention. i have been guilty of being asleep and not receiving the messages. it saddens me when i see others in this slumber.

spiritual beings, human experience.

it’s a cold and it’s a broken hallelujah. things don’t have to be so hard. just as hard as we make them. fact. fiction. your side, my side. the truth.

(the end is always the beginning.)