1.
Im 30 and shes 27, been together 8 months n actually were talkin seriously about moving in 2gether. We’re in love and had a great relationship until recently. She drops this bomb that she wants 2 pose nude for a magazine. I’m kind of floored by this, yes she is very attractive, but she never acted like the type to wanna do this. I’m not ok with this, I say 2 her why you wanna have other guys seeing you naked, she says its not that she wants that. She said the money isvery good and would put a “huge dent” in what she owes for her student loans and she really wouldnt have to do anything but get her picture taken.
I dont feel that is a good enough reason 2 do this at all, I dont want a bunch of other guys seeing her naked and jerking off to it and sh*t like that. Shes says Im not being very mature and that it is “her body”. I dont dispute its her body, and shes like “oh not like anyone will be touching me only you get to do that its reserved for only you” and im just thinking “yeah I thought seeing you naked was reserved for only me too”.
I’m not really going to play games though, I’m too old for games. I told her she is free to do what she wants, but if she did this then I’d be breaking up with her. She was like “oh then I really cant do what I want can I”. But that isn’t true, she can. There is no law that says she has to stay with me, although I’d be heartbroken if we had to break up.
Am I over reacting here and not being fair? I think its crazy for any girl to think her bf would be ok with this. We havent talked much today, she says I’m trying to control her. I said nope and if you feel this way maybe we shouldnt be together. So then she gets mad saying that Im always talking about breaking up so I must want out. I dont even know how to respond to these things. If I wanted out Id break up with her, I dont need to use any excuse. I told her I love her and dont ever wanna be without her.
I told her the fact that she wants to do something she knows will really hurt me is really hurtful in itself. She says there is no reason to be hurt. So am I out of line here?
Lisa: hey erin, how’s it going? what’s up?
Erin: Well, Lisa, I am sitting on my hands, using all my power, not to correct the horrendous grammar/spelling/poor word usage in this question. You 2?
Lisa: yes, that’s very prince-like of this dude, if i do say so myself. but, anyway i feel pretty good. i had a call with my psychic today, who told me that my next boyfriend is on the way and that he’s not any of the dudes i currently know – thank GOD.
Erin: Wait, you have a psychic?
Lisa: erin, not only do i have a psychic, i have a chiropractor, a holistic healer, a massage therapist, and a shrink. it takes a village.
Erin: Holy shit, Lisa. We’re trying to instill a little faith in these people that we are not as crazy as they are.
Lisa: whatevs. ok, on to the dude and his problem. oh, lawdy, here’s the deal- if you are in an adult committed relationship, THERE MUST BE RECIPROCITY, there must be compromise. people that are all, “we’re so free love and non-jealous and everything is all fairies and flowers”- i call total BULLSHIT on all that. if you are with someone seriously, you don’t just get to do whatever the fuck you want, period.
Erin: I just need to get this out of the way first- you are a 30 year old man- don’t replace to/too with 2. Ok, I will let the rest go. Now, as for your situation, while there’s no right or wrong answer about posing nude, you absolutely have a right to voice your opinion and it is understandable that you would be hurt that she’s not taking that into consideration.
Lisa: yeah, it sounds like you’ve been very clear and communicative.
Erin: When I was a teenager, I knew this older couple that a lot of people used to get drugs from. On their anniversary, the dude decided he would rent a porno for them to watch later. It was probably a VHS, maybe a DVD, because I am old. At the video store, he was surprised to find his live-in girlfriend of 5 years on the cover of a porno. She had made it while they were together and said she did it for the money, which makes no sense because they had money and she was paid something like $400. My point is- your girlfriend can’t be getting paid that much. With all the free internet porn available, there’s no way she’s paying off her debt this way, unless she is a celebrity and you left that part out of the story- which seems unlikely given her unpaid student loan debt.
Lisa: you’re not out of line. lay back and watch. i’ll bet you $10 her next move will be pole dancing.
Erin: Smooth move, Lisa. You’re going to need that $10 to pay for your team of experts.
2.
I am a 25 yo female and have been dating my boyfriend for over a year. We recently started living together and everything is great, but sex. I have never been so frustrated in my entire life about sex.
The thing is that my boyfriend just cares about himself during intercourse. I feel as if I were just an object for his pleasure. As an example: I always do oral to him, masturbate him and all kinds of foreplay before sex. I always do all the work, while he NEVER touches me, neither he does oral to me. Nothing.
He believes sex is just about himself, and ignores that it is an exchange of value among both of the lovers. I have talked to him MULTIPLE TIMES about it and he just doesn’t care. He has seen me sad about it too, but he refuses to change his behavior.
Now, just so you know a little more about myself – I think I am a very healthy person (I eat healthy, I don’t smoke, etc). I am also a very clean person (shower twice a day, etc). I think I am fairly attractive (redhead, slender, green eyes..) , but my boyfriend doesn’t care about any of that. He watches porn and masturbates all day while I am at work (because he doesn’t work), and when I come home he doesn’t even seem interested in me. Actually, no – he is only interested in me doing oral sex to him.
I am getting tired of the situation, and this might be a deal breaker for me. I hate it. I have had multiple lovers in my life, and gets lot of male attention. Since the situation is what it is, I am afraid I might end up cheating on him. I am always a very honest person, so I am concerned about having the temptation of sleeping with other people.
I thought that if I refused to have sex with him at all he would change, so I did it and his response was just not having sex with me, and just continuing to watch porn. So, that didn’t work either. I am desperate. I don’t know what to do.
I love him, so I don’t want to break up with him, but the situation is getting ugly. I am not willing to spend the rest of my life this way.
I would enormously appreciate any advice.
Thank you,
– Sophie.
Erin: Sophie, Sophie, Sophie. Let’s set up your boyfriend up with the chick in the first question.
Lisa: oh, sophie. sophie, sophie, sophie.
Erin: Alright, the fact that you haven’t cheated on or dumped this loser tells me that you are either a masochist or have serious issues with your father. Much like I told the people who asked questions last week, RUN! You are a young, attractive woman. Don’t waste one more minute with this douche bag.
Lisa: you sound like a really lovely person. like you, i have green eyes too. did you know that less than two percent of the world’s population has green eyes? what i’m trying to say is that you are special and this porn-addicted freak-o, that is currently you’re boyfriend, ain’t. look, i like porn every now and again. i watched a little PornHub last night, in fact. but the combination of not having sex with you, you doing all of the work, and OH! he doesn’t have a job – your brain must be on sensory overload with all the red flags waving in front of you. get out, lose this loser. you deserve more, i can tell.
3.
I was with a girl, we went on a date for drinks and afterwards asked her to come back to my place. She agrees and comes over, I make a move on her for a kiss and she turns me down. Then I climb on my bed and lay on my stomach…. She takes her shoes off and climbs in my bed and puts her legs around me in a flirtatious manner. I put my hand on her and she doesn’t push me off. I drop her at home and she said she had fun we should do it again. Should I keep chasing or am I in the friend zone
Erin: You climb on your bed and lay on your stomach?
Lisa: if she didn’t like you, she wouldn’t have come over.
Erin: Well, I will say that when I was younger, say 19-26-ish, I was a fucking nightmare. I was a tease, I was all over the place, I gave people mixed signals. So, you might be in the friend zone, the friend-I-like-to-flirt-with-and-might-sleep-with-one-day-if-I am-drunk-zone.
Lisa: i’m gonna disagree here, erin. although she may be sending you confusing signals, i think she is to be commended. i’m trying to approach relationships like this now too — more cautiously — because i recently blew it with a skater guy that i really really really really liked by being too available.
Erin: Skater guy? What are you- fourteen?
Lisa: well, erin, actually, we’re pretty close in age. and i just took a buzzfeed quiz that said that my real age is 24. so there.
Erin: I guess I should shut-up, considering my last post was about the fact that I act like a fifteen year old. Also, I need to come clean. I take at least 4 BuzzFeed quizzes a week. Go ahead, ask me which character I am on Twin Peaks or Downton Abbey.
Lisa: oh erin, please, which character are you on twin peaks?
Erin: Laura Palmer, duh.
…
rarely wrong erin and I will be back next week to answer more questions. We’ve got a lot to choose from- tinder, facebook hookups, helping your friend snoop on her boyfriend, orgasms, loving two people at the same time, and many more. Keep them coming, we will answer all questions eventually and anonymously, unless you say it’s ok to include your name. Use the box at the top right of erin’s page and have a wicked awesome weekend. xoxo
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