Category Archives: Dating

The Rear View

I spent Thanksgiving alone. I wasn’t meant to, but an early morning text from my Aunt Nancy indicated my cousin Scott was sick and thus, Thanksgiving would be pushed a day later to Friday. No big deal, right? Wrong. What was I going to do? OMG, spend it alone? WTF?! Fuccckkkkkk. Mentally, emotionally and spiritually, I just wasn’t prepared for this shit. Holiday or not, I’m weary. Okay, that’s actually not the right word, so here’s the right sentence: I’m sick of being fucking alone. Oh I know I know – you just ended your toxic relationship a little less than five months ago, Lisa! You need time! Relax! Everything will be fine! You’ll meet the right one eventually. You’re so impatient – jeez! Enjoy your alone time! Relish in it! Enjoy being with YOU!

Eye roll.

Instead of taking a Xanax (or two) and watching Lady Dynamite on Netflix (again) and feeling sorry for myself (some more) and eating every Ritter Sport I had in my kitchen (seven of them, ranging in flavors from “Butter Biscuit” to “Caramel Mousse”), I decided to go on a very long hike. Get out of myself, get in nature, get some endorphins going – you feelin’ me?

Thanksgiving 2017 was an unusually clear day in L.A. Smog typically hides the city and views of the ocean, but on this day, the City of Angels was clear, as in crystal. Climbing, I turned back to look at her a couple of times, this crazy sprawling metropolis that I just can’t seem to quit. The doing so made me wobbly; I nearly fell. Regaining my balance, I realized this was my lesson: to stop looking back. Up until this point, I hadn’t really understood the extent to which I’d been doing it. Sure, I’d though about him (and that him and that other him) almost every day. And well, gee, sure, I’d been thinking about every mistake I’d ever made a lot lately, every different turn this way or that I could’ve taken, but didn’t. And well, yeah, I’d been playing out different scenarios in my head over and over (and over and…) until I was spinning like an out of control dreidel under a Christmas tree, confused on where I belonged.*

The rear view. It isn’t serving me anymore. I’m here – and all those mistakes, all those choices, all those dumb motherfuckers I wasted so much of my precious energy and time on, are but theoretical objects that, although I’ve been straining to see them, I hardly can anymore. The looking back is what has been hurting me.

My forced time alone on Thanksgiving was a gift. Up the canyon I kept climbing. When I got to the top, I cried and laughed at the same time.** Los Angeles was spread out like a vision before me and I could see every little thing so clearly – the ocean, the endless possibilities, the happy life I’ve been afraid to lead, the people I’ve yet to meet…and the bottom from where I started. It was all beautiful.


*Christmas or Hanukkah, which do you celebrate? I mean goddamn, LIsa, figure it out already.

** “Laughing and crying, you know it’s the same release.” – Joni Mitchell

Beginning again.


I hadn’t see him in years. Like, I don’t know how many, but def more than five. As an Aquarius (me) and a Leo (him) are wont to do, we dove right in.

What happened to that girlfriend you used to have? The one from New York with the big tits who wore glasses that never liked me? (They broke up.) Are you still Mr. Fancy Pants in the ad agency world?
(He is.)

And then he: what’s up with your blog? You still writing it? (Er, um, uhhhhhh…)

No, I haven’t in about a year actually, Richard*. I got involved with someone, and while that was going to absolute complete shit, I quit writing. Yano, I was fucked up and consumed with being all fucked up all of the time. (Mostly true, except for the incipiency of the relationship which is always so very very magical, what with meeting their “representative” and all.)

Well you should start it again – I mean, you’re a writer, Lisa.

I am?

Sigh. I guess I am kinda. (Yawn.)

So, here we are; fresh new installments of The Trouble With Lisa comin’ at ya. Yay? Does anybody even read this? What should I write about? What mind-blowing topics ought I proceed to explore? Do I dare disturb the universe?** Do I dare eat a peach?**



New beginnings? Yes, let’s begin again with that, shall we?

See you soon, lovers. And thanks for reading – if anyone is reading – whoever you are.

*not his real name, but close

**with apologies to both T.S. Eliot and J. Alfred Prufrock

Trust issues, why she’s so much fatter than her online profile portrays + Facebook blah blah.


Erin: We’re back again to usher in September with another round of questions. You ready to do this, Lisa?
Lisa: Yes.
Erin: Onward!

Q. I broke up with my girlfriend of 7 months today. She has cheated on me in the past, as well as lied to me on a few occasions. I’ve tried to forgive her and move on but my mind was never at ease with her after her acts. The final straw was her asking me how I’d feel if she got a male roommate (she has one female one already). I told her I wasn’t too comfy with the idea, but I didn’t speak too much on it because I really didn’t think it would become a reality. A few days after she asked me how I felt, I called her to hear that her and the other roommate chose the guy to move in. My insecurities about her loyalty, and her past actions has me feeling like I can’t trust her with a male roommate (and I’m seeing now, that in actuality, I don’t trust her at all). She says I’m over-reacting, and to be honest I don’t know if I am. What do you think? Did I make a mistake in breaking up with her?

Erin: My insecurity about you involves a grown man using the word “comfy.”

Lisa: A cheater. A liar. Gross me out the door. I don’t blame you, brah. I’ve been cheated on once (that I actually know of) and I broke up with that motherfucker real fast – and I’ve NEVER looked back.

Erin: Walk away. Or run. Regardless of whether or not she is now miraculously trustworthy or whether or not you overreacted, there’s no trust left in this relationship. You did the right thing. Move on, and next time don’t stick around after the first betrayal.

Lisa: I totally agree, Erin. Trust your instincts, always.

Erin: Lisa, his instinct was to stay with her after she repeatedly cheated. So, dude, maybe don’t always trust your instincts.

Lisa: Yeah, ok, right, whatever, Erin. This chick is a piece of garbage. Contrary to what jerks like her think, it’s better, easier, and kinder to be honest. Leave her in the dust and don’t you dare give her another moment of your precious time.

Erin: And, P.S. Don’t make the next girlfriend pay the price for what this last one did. Go get some therapy and work your shit out.

Q. I am using a few dating apps and have been for awhile. I’m a 43 year old guy, decent looking, funny, smart-ish. The one thing that I have noticed is that almost everyone I have met lies about their weight. Now clearly in my profile I state I am not an adonis, I have “dad bod”, but I also put in my profile a full body shot and I make sure all my pics are taken within a year. My question is why do people (men and women) lie? I mean you’re eventually going to meet this person and find out the truth anyway. So why lie?

This is driving me crazy because I meet these women who tell me everyone they meet lies to them. Then I meet these women only to find out they are WAY bigger than about average or the pictures they posted are 15 years old.

What the heck is going on here? I mean everyone complains about people lying to them but, they are no better themselves. How do I weed thru all the red flags?

Lisa: K. I love that you said “dad bod.” Also, you are right in my perfect age range and sound great, so maybe you could be my new boyfriend.

Erin: OMG, I was just thinking when I read this, “I bet Lisa would like this guy”.

Lisa: Having been on these bullshit dating apps/sites recently myself (I’m not now, I couldn’t take it anymore), I think people lie because it’s all fantasy. It’s metaperception (Google it) in full fucking swing.

Erin: I have never dated via apps, but I find that anything on the internet has high potential for being inaccurate. I would probably google people before I met them. You know, to get a little recon via Facebook or whatever. Now, if you want to meet our lovely Lisa, I am one hell of a pimp.

Lisa: Thanks for the pimp love, Erin. I used to link my Instagram and Twitter accounts, so dudes could see more recent photos of me in my everyday life. And if they didn’t do the same, it was, “Next”!

Q. Ok, I know. I analyze little things too much but, was looking for some answers anyways. The ex and I broke up 4 months ago. He was cheating and left me for the other woman. Anyways, after it happened, I blocked him and his new GF on Facebook, and deleted every single one of his buddies. Today, I get a request from one of his friends that I didn’t really know that well. I haven’t accepted or declined. Why would this guy would add me? I haven’t seen or heard from him in a little over 4 months. Like I said, I didn’t know him that well and we only hung out a couple times.

Erin: You are totally overthinking this one. I cannot recall how many times I have added people, with the click of one button, who have popped up in the “people you may know” scroll. He might want to have sex with you, that’s for sure a possibility, because guys tend to be sort of one-tracked with females, but you are obsessing about something extremely unimportant. Please go get some therapy and like I said to the guy in the first question, don’t make the dude in your next relationship pay the price for the last one.

Lisa: I don’t use Facebook and I’m always so surprised when I hear stories like this. It’s so middle school, 2005. My social media snobbery aside, I personally think he added you because he has a crush on you.

Erin: OMG, Lisa, that is so middle school, “maybe he has a crush on you…..” Haha.

Lisa: LULZ.

My social media snobbery aside (whatever that means) we’ve made it through another round of questions. Basically, avoid all the liars. Okay? Easy enough. If you have a question that desperately needs answering, use the form on the top right of Erin’s page. All questions will be answered (eventually) and with (some) care. As always, your anonymity is golden, like way more golden than it would be on Ashley Madison or whatever. xoxo


Love and Louboutins.


There they were, in an almost completely empty restaurant on Hollywood Boulevard. The soup was cold. The waiter circled. Although it became clear to her, after two very dirty martinis and a lot of looking into his vacant hazel eyes, she was still in disagreement with her self. Maybe he was enough. Maybe his just alright sense of humor would make the fact that he was 5’ 5”, her height in flip flops, okay. Maybe she was just becoming too particular and that was somehow fucking everything up… because really, there-is-no-one-perfect-person-we-all-have-some-sort-of-flaw-and-anyway-Lisa-who-cares-if-you-never-get-to-wear-Louboutins-again.

Maybe you just get what you get these days. Maybe you should stop trying so hard. Maybe you already had it once and that’s all you get in this lifetime. Maybe all the reasons you want it aren’t valid and that’s what is stopping it from appearing. Blah blah blah yada yada yada.


Maybe you should listen to that voice within you that you know is right (let’s call it, oh you know, intuition) and not a bunch of bullshit broken record chatter (see above).

Therefore, maybe you end all of this lame-ass-cold-soup dating, go get yourself a brand new pair of sky high heels, KNOW he’s on his way and that whoever he turns out to be, he’s gonna be a badass like you – and is gonna totes diggity dig those brand new 150 mm Louboutins.

Just sayin’.


Lotsa kisses and thanks to my pals Erin for the editing help and to Stephanie for the day of shopping – and the pic ;o)

Eating out w an ex, the complaining friend and blow jobs + women who won’t give ’em.


Erin: Lisa, how are you, have you missed me, what’s up?

Lisa: Erin, I’ve missed you terribly and although they say it never rains in Southern California, it’s totally raining in L.A. right now. How’s New York?

Erin: Hot. Hot. Hot. And sweaty. Are you ready, are you prepared to enlighten/ruin people?

Lisa: I was born ready, bitch.

Q.Eating out with ex-boyfriend
Do you think it is a normal for a girl to have a lunch with her ex-boyfriend three times a week when she’s already married? Do you still have contact with your EX? and why?

Lisa: Ummmmm….No. I think it’s totally fucked up actually. I do have limited contact with a select few of my exes. Why? Because a few of them are good guys and I like them, BUT I certainly don’t see them for lunch and shit three times a week. This is very suspicious and I don’t like it at all.

Erin: I have contact with all of my exes who will still speak to me. I tend to leave still wanting a friendship. However, for a variety of reasons, sometimes because they hate me (JK, not really JK) that is not always possible. I do not think it is normal to have lunch with ANYONE three times a week, let alone an ex. Your girlfriend is either: A, using lunch with the ex as a beard for something else. B, having a sordid affair, at least in her mind. Or, C, is extremely co-dependent and has a poor sense of boundaries. Totally normal to be friendly and/or friends with an ex. Totally not normal to be that involved with an ex. Huge Red Flag.

Lisa: Agreed.

Q.Friend’s ALWAYS complaining!
I have a friend with whom I hang out with quite a lot. I enjoy it but she’s always complaining! From her work, friends to family. Its been like this for two years now- and speaking to her is beginning to depress and annoy me now. I really don’t know how to tell her.

Lisa: How do you enjoy hanging out with someone who complains all the time? Being around that kind of energy is totally exhausting. I had a friend who used to complain too and when she started complaining I would get off the phone with her or change the subject as quickly as I could. Or, I would suggest she make a list of all the things she is grateful for in her life.

Erin: We all know someone like this. I have probably been her at times. The frustrating part is that people like this generally do not want to hear our suggestions or advice or the truth. So, at this point in my life, I would probably pull a fade. Sorry!

Lisa: Yeah, most negative people just want to stay in the problem, which sucks. Your last resort might be to tell her you can’t listen to her whining or complaining anymore. But like Erin, I would probably just pull the fade.

Erin: As a parting gift, maybe you could direct her to a good therapist. The operative word being good.

Q.Hi, I’m 36 years old and my bf is 34. Our sex life is great, except for one thing. He wants me to go downtown. And I hate it, like horrible, gag-reflex, hate it. I have always been like this and I don’t know how to change it. To be fair, I don’t expect him to go downtown either, but it seems to come up in a passive aggressive way from him, even though he says he understands. Do you think it’s unreasonable? I just don’t think I’m the girl for that job, but I love him and see a future together. Do you think he is really ok with it?

Erin: Whenever I hear someone say “go downtown,” all that comes to mind is the euphemism for buying drugs. Putting that thought aside, I don’t trust anyone, male or female, who says they don’t like to do that job.

Lisa: EVERY GUY WANTS A BLOW JOB, ALL THE TIME. I’ll bet you a dollar if I asked your boyfriend, he would NOT concur that your sex life is great.

Erin: All this talk of downtown, reminds me of that song…

Erin: I don’t understand your problem. But, I am aware that there are people, who like you, won’t go downtown. I always wonder, Gay? Maybe you don’t like dick. It seems like it would be a deal breaker for most humans. I think that oral sex is a integral part of a healthy sex life and I think that a good lover should enjoy giving and receiving the job.

Lisa: TBH, I quite enjoy the job and I don’t get your issue.

Erin: Lisa, maybe she needs a sex therapist. I don’t know any, but I’m sure you can google that shit.

Lisa: Oy vey, I don’t know about the whole sex therapist thing, but I DO know that your boyfriend is probably not cool with this AT ALL.

Erin: Which is why he’s being passive aggressive… which is about as attractive as not going downtown.

And on that note, If you have a question for us about love, sex, friendship, oysters, lead pencils, kundalini yoga, or anything at all, use the box on the top right of Erin’s page. As always, your anonymity is golden. All questions will be answered (eventually) and with (some) care. xox


Hobbies, “friends” and emotional affairs.

Erin: Lisa, how the hell are you?
Lisa: I’m very sleepy today, so I will groggily answer these questions. But, I’m excited to be back. 
Erin: Well, sometimes the best thoughts come to brains that are only half-awake…or something. Let’s do this. 
How important are common interests / hobbies and how many do you both have to enjoy to make a relationship work?
I’ve never gone out with a man for longer than 4 months and it’s usually broken up because he decided that we didn’t have enough in common to make things more serious.
For me as long as we have a few hobbies in common that we both enjoy like the outdoors or travel that is enough for me. I’m not expecting a guy to want to do everything that I do for instance dancing, and in fact I like meeting people with different hobbies as it gives me the opportunity to learn about something new.

I’m currently single and starting to try some new adventurous activities as I want to get fitter but also thought it might make me more appealing like cycling, kayaking, hiking. 

Just wondered what your thoughts were.
Lisa: I don’t think common interests have very much to do with being compatible with another person. Think about it: You probably have a lot of friends who like sewing or some shit, but you don’t, and you’re still friends with that person because you like them, they make you feel good, and you respect each other’s passions. To me, compatibility is the key, not hobbies. 
Erin: I mostly agree with you, Lisa. The most important aspects of compatibility are shared values and goals. I’m just wondering if the issue of shared hobbies is really what is ending your relationships. 
Lisa: Keep doing what you want to do to make yourself happy. And remember, it always happens when you ain’t looking. 
Erin: Lastly, I will say that these guys sound really co-dependant, which makes me thing the hobbies thing is a beard for something else. In general, you shouldn’t treat your boyfriend like your best friend. He doesn’t need to do everything with you, nor does he need to process all of your stuff with you. Do that with your girlfriends. You both should be enjoying most of your hobbies with your friends. It’s my opinion that people who have some level of independence within their relationships are the people who have the longest lasting/healthiest relationships. My money is on there being something else that’s stopping your relationships from moving forward.
So I’m head over heals in love with my best friend. We have known each other for just about 4 years. We’ve been through hell and back between each of us having jealous ex g/f’s and b/f’s, rumors at work (we used to work together), friends trying to sabotage our friendship…it’s been tough but we always seem to bounce back. She’s known for about 2 years now my feelings and with in the past few months it’s been getting to the point where I just can’t wait to talk to her or see her or whatever. It came to a head about 2 months ago when I was a date at her friends wedding and we made out on the dance floor. Halfway thru the night, I can sense something was wrong and she admitted that she was scared “this” wouldn’t turn out the way I had always hoped and that she would lose me again if it didn’t work out. I told her we’ve weathered too many storms for me to turn back now and we kissed a bit after that but for the most part it was done for that night. Since then we try and hang out when we can but lately things have been getting weird. Where we used to talk 3 or 4 times a day, we can just barely get to talk to each other twice all week. Where she used to return my txts or calls within minutes, it will take her a day or so. She has been mentioning “friends” which leads me to believe she is dating someone and doesn’t want to hurt me by telling me. But at the same time, it does hurt that she’s not open with me about that. I want to confront her but I’m worried I might come off as jealous. I want to make plans with her valentines day and send her flowers but I don’t want to knowing that there’s someone else. What should I do?
Erin: On a really picky side note, if you write her a love letter, make sure you don’t change tense, mid-sentence. I know, I’m an asshole. 
Lisa: Way to be a bitch about grammar, Erin. 
Erin: Move on. The biggest problem I see most single people face is that they do not see what is plainly in front of them. If she is playing some game, then fuck her. If she is not playing a game, then she is showing and telling you that she is not interested. Trust me, these types of unrequited love situations/friendships are only appealing because they are unrequited. 
Lisa: YOU’RE IN THE FREIND ZONE, DUDE. If you express how you feel, and she’s not taking the bait, and instead acting all weirdo-like, let it go. No Valentine’s Day plans, no flowers. If she wanted to be with you, she would. It really is that simple. 
This is probably the 6th or 7th time i have been at this stage with my husband. We met at work and were friends before we dated, after i split with my ex. He was my first ‘one night stand’ which turned out not to be as we went out with each other after and then got married. Basically, he is a lovely bloke, very clever, well presented, kind – all the things you could want on paper.
But something is wrong and I spend alot of my time unhappy. When we got together, I loved the fact that he was driven and such a sweet person but I wonder if it’s just that although he is a good man, he’s just not right for me. I have never felt like i wanted to rip his clothes off and never initiate sex. We have sex but it is not emotional for me. I feel unconnected somehow. I have left numerous times in the past – last time was last year – because of the way i feel. I haven’t been able to put my finger on whats wrong and I look at my life and think ‘what have i got to complain about – whats wrong with me?’ So here I am again, in a spot where I feel very little.
We have a beautiful little girl but our relationship seems very platonic in my eyes. Should i shut up and get on with it? I’m terrified I am just postponing the inevitable. Am i just unrealistic about what a relationship should be? I know i am in danger area – i have had an emotional affair in the past and i am embarking on one currently. I don’t want to become the person i see evolving.
Lisa: Emotional affairs are just as bad as real affairs. I beg of you to cease and desist this vile behavior immediately. How would you feel if your husband was doing this to you? If you don’t want to be with him, let him go, it’s so much kinder. 
Erin: See, this is why people should not get back together after they’ve broken up. It always ends the same way. I have never broken up with my husband, which is probably why he is my husband and not another ex-boyfriend. You sound like you might need some therapy, if for no other reason than to get clear about what the problem is. The problem might be your marriage, but the problem may also just be you. Because you have a child, it is worth pursuing some sort of counseling. But, if you are unwilling to do that, then you should absolutely let him go and make the process as painless as possible for all parties.
And that’s all we wrote….If you have a question for us about love, sex, friendship, salt water taffy, otters, or anything at all, use the box on the top right of Erin’s page. All questions will be answered (eventually) and with (some) care. xoxo

One night stands, stood up + she’s pullin’ the fade, brah.


Erin: Hey Lisa, how’s the first polar plunge/arctic express of the season treating you?

Lisa: Um, actually I’m about to head to Lululemon to get some new running gear and this weather is perfect for shopping.

Erin: You do you. Well, all I know is that no matter what I’m doing today, I am for sure freezing my ass off. Anyway, we’ve got problems to solve….

Should I tell him?
My bf and I broke up about a month ago. Earlier this week I had a one night stand with a guy I knew for about 3 weeks. We used a condom, we didn’t even kiss or have oral sex. Now I am back with my bf and we don’t use protection. I don’t know what to do. I practiced safe sex and just to be on the safe side I’m going to get tested Monday. Should I tell my bf about my one night stand or should I not mention unless I find out I have something. Thank you for your advice in advance.

Lisa: Well, I haven’t been laid in a month…so mazel tov to that. IF YOU WERE BROKEN UP, YOU DON’T NEED TO TELL YOUR BF ANYTHING. REPEAT, DON’T FUCKING SAY A WORD.

Erin: Yeah, you were broken up and you practiced safe sex, so I don’t think you should bring it up. If he asks, you absolutely need to be honest. (Who knows? He may have also had a one night stand while you were broken up.)

Lisa: You didn’t even kiss the guy you had a one night stand with? Impressive!

Erin: It’s like Julia Roberts, in Pretty Woman…

Blah I have a sick feeling after what I call being stood up. This guy asked me out. He was an old friend from high school, that I knew and might have dated a few years ago had I not been in love with another guy. So he calls me Tuesday night, and asks if I would like to do something Friday when he got off work. I said sure, and asked if he would like to come to my house for pizza, and talk and catch up. Kind of like a reacquaintance get together. Nothing serious, just a casual evening with an old friend. He said that sounded great to him, and he seemed excited about getting together . He was to come over tonight after he went home and showered and changed clothes.

He calls me after he got off work, and says to me as follows:

” I can’t come over tonight. Some friends and I are going to the lake tomorrow and I have things to do to get ready for that.”

I was speechless, and the only thing I could muster at the moment was a surprised ” ohh ? “

At which point he says to me . “well if it rains tomorrow and my friends and I can’t go to the lake, I will give you a call.”

The only thing I could say was , “Ok, and you have a good evening, bye bye”

I didn’t ask any questions as to WHY can’t you come on over for a little while, or try to persuade anything. He was the one that had been asking me out. I was excited that I was going to get a chance to re-aquaint, and just have a fun evening talking.
This made me get a totally sick feeling when he backed on on me. Just like a young school girl getting stood up by a date. I guess thats kind of weird coming from a 38 yr old woman. I guess its not actually being stood up, since he did at least call. I guess you would just call it cancelling the date.
I just felt it was quite insensitive of him to back out on our getting together at the last minute. It made me feel like his trip to the lake tomorrow was the priority, and getting his fishing gear together. He only wants to get together tomorrow if it rains them out from the lake trip. Am I over reacting? Should I get together with him tomorrow if his lake trip is cancelled? I tend to want to just say forget it and not bother with it. It felt like he totally ” took the wind out of my sail. Thoughts and comments would be appreciated.

Dear Lake Dude,


Dear Needy Lady,

This was a casual get together. You called it that. If you are this hung up on his behavior before you’ve even had a “get-together” then he is really not the guy for you. Your expectations are way too high. It is not even clear to me if this guy wanted to hang as friends or for dating/sex. Although, many could argue that no straight man is calling to hang out on a Friday night at your house for friendship.

Lisa: I agree with Erin. It sounds like your expectations were way our of whack on this one. I obviously don’t know too much because I am still single etc., but here’s what I do know – if a guy wants to see you, he will fly to the goddamn moon, if that’s where you are. So, you were right about not being a priority – you aren’t one. Don’t answer if this asshole calls you again.

Erin: Well, to be fair, we don’t really know if he’s an asshole. You haven’t even been on one date yet, and that’s a lot of pressure for something so casual.

Me and my GF have been together for nearly two months, and she just doesn’t seem bothered to meet up with me anymore. We used to work together so meeting up wasn’t a problem, we used to wait around until our shifts finish, go for a drink or a movie.

I told her that I was worried we wouldn’t see each other when she left, but she always assured me that we would.

Anyway, it’s only our first week since she left and when will I be seeing her next? Maybe friday if she isn’t too hungover from going out with her friends the night before. Now, sure I accept the fact she’s going out with friends, that doesn’t bother me. What bothers me is the fact that she appears to be totally uninterested in spending time with me.

It’s weird because right after we see each other, she sends me sweet messages about how she had a fantastic time, she misses me already etc. I’ve even asked her if she wants a bit of space, but she says no.

And something I’ve noticed over the last week or so, she barely can be bothered to text me anymore. This morning I messaged to tell her that I wasn’t feeling good so I couldn’t go to work. She didn’t even reply. She doesn’t reply unless she’s got something to ask, and even in her replies, she’s being really blunt with me.

Am I reading too much into this? I really don’t want to become a boyfriend of convenience.

Lisa: She ain’t that into you anymore. Like I told our friend who got stood up in our previous question – in my experience, if someone wants to be with you/see you/spend time with you, they will. I once (ok, recently) had a guy that I didn’t even know that well fly all the way from Switzerland to the states to see me. Get it?

Erin: I disagree. first of all, we don’t know what the new job is and what her current responsibilities are. Maybe she can’t look at her phone all day, and when she can her messages have to be brief. Because she’s busy. Because she has a life, outside of you, which is healthy. Second, this is 1 week out you said, slow down on the paranoia. If this continues, then you can calmly express yourself, without sounding like a needy dude. Maybe, we can hook you up with the lady from the previous question?

Lisa: I disagree with everything Erin said. She’s pulling the fade. You’ve been warned.

Erin: I don’t know, these people and their demands give me anxiety.



Have a burning question about love, dating, or pizza? Use the form on the top right of Erin’s the page. We will answer all questions (eventually) and with (some) care. As always, your anonymity is golden. Until next time….xoxo


OkStupid, Gucci-love + Stay out of it.

Gucci baby.

Erin: Hey LisaLisa, how’s your October going?

Lisa: Slow and steady wins the race, Erin.

Erin: OK then! Let’s answer these questions, because we’ve got a couple long ones.

Lisa: Ok bitch, let’s get to it.

Hello I’m female age 29. I met a guy online (okcupid). I messaged him first because I’d seen him on my visitors list quite a few times and no I don’t have provocative pic or anything like that. I messaged him and we’ve talked on the phone, texted/IM every day since and that was three months ago. He’s funny, charming, caring, educated, goal oriented, and a good listener.

He lives in Ireland, age 28 with parents, works as an engineer and he’s not so experienced with romantic relationships, but I am having second doubts about him because initially he came on strong but I wanted to take things slow and he agreed. He woos me with his charm and great sense of humor. A month into I let him know that I liked him (mind you he always told me how much he liked me etc and that he had plans to visit America). Something happened because he cooled off from chatting to me after I told him my feelings. He began to text/message less. I asked if he was okay and if he started talking to someone else, he said no. We get some things straightened out and he asked me what I would like for us to be and I told him that I wasn’t sure and it was still early but I like him and he agreed too saying he didn’t know what he wanted.

I still sense that he is apprehensive about us because we don’t communicate as much and I find him to be somewhat secretive about his life. I asked him a couple of weeks ago where this was going and he said that he’s not sure but that he likes me and enjoy getting to know me. That’s fine but I feel like we’re moving at a snail’s pace. I’d like to know more about his life although he seems normal enough but you never know.

He works at a temp job for his company and won’t find out if he goes back to being permanent until December and that’s when he’ll know/start planning his trip to America. I’m afraid of getting my heart broken and wasting my time getting to know him when he is probably looking for an online buddy. We still text/IM everyday and he phones once a week. I’ve never called him because I don’t feel comfortable.

I’ve sensed another change in him lately like he’s been a little more sensitive and even accused me of making fun of him when sick and he offered to buy me music although international tax isn’t cheap. We have been communicating a lot more recently but I’m still scared of getting hurt. He tells me that I over think things too much and not to worry and to trust him.

I like him and I’m worrying if I should wait it out for the December decision on his job? He no longer writes me erotica and he’s a great writer and this has me wondering if he’s writing it to someone else too and he’s stopped talking romantically to me (weeks ago), would this be a red flag too? My first and last relationship lasted eight years and I broke up with late last year for cheating. I’m not that experienced in this. Am I being paranoid? Do you think he’s going slow(I really don’t mind) because of his inexperience and cultural differences?
Thank you

Lisa: Um, okay, Um, okay, OMG. A budding/new relationship is hard no matter what, but sister, you met this guy on OkStupid, he lives across an ocean, and he’s pulling back a bit. I’m sure he’s cute and educated and all that, but seriously, can’t you find someone in your own zip code to obsess over?

Erin: I am so exhausted by your weird cyber relationship/non-relationship, I barely have the strength to answer these questions. Yes, you are wasting your time. Yes, there are many red flags. I have no idea if he is “cheating” or writing erotica to other women he has met online. It’s irrelevant why he’s acting the way he is acting. But, girlfriend, please date in the real world, and move on from your pen pal.

Lisa: YOU DON’T KNOW THIS PERSON! YOU’VE NEVER MET HIM! HE IS A FANTASY. If he actually comes to see you, great. In the meantime, focus on something other than a “relationship” that isn’t real.

Erin: Lastly, I will never understand the correlation you made in this sentence: “I’ve sensed another change in him lately like he’s been a little more sensitive and even accused me of making fun of him when sick and he offered to buy me music although international tax isn’t cheap.” Good luck

This might be an unusual question, but have you ever had friends who just seemed to drag down your self esteem?

I am friends with two gals — a rich gal and a poor gal, and needless to say being the middle class girl that I am, I just feel like I really don’t fit in with either one of them!!

When I hang out with the rich gal I feel inferior– especially when I listen to her talk about her Gucci handbags or her new Mercedes, or a piece of expensive jewelry her husband bought for her birthday, etc.

My rich friend always says she likes people no matter what their background or wealth, but judging by the way she brags, I almost feel like she is deliberately making me feel worthless or inferior!!

She also pissed me off big time one day when I met her for lunch and she saw that I was wearing a long, very nice looking leather coat. She could not take her eyes off it, but instead of paying me any compliments about it, she said: “See? You CAN look good when you want to.”

What the hell is that supposed to mean???

Anyway when I hang out with my other friend, the poor chick, I feel disgusted by her red neck/white trash ways and I begin to feel that by hanging out with her, it sort of makes me de-facto white trash too.

For example, my Red neck/White trash friend will talk about her latest tattoos. In her family, anytime somebody is born or somebody dies, the family members all get a tattoo to remember the date– like how redneck is that????

Also… one time I visited her at the trailer park in which she lives. If seeing the run down trailers and the cars up on cement blocks was not bad enough, it was when I met her sister and her husband and saw that they were both missing their front teeth, that I thought: “OMG!! What the hell am I doing here, socializing with these people???? These people need to be on Jerry Springer!!”

Anyway… have you ever been friends with someone of a different socio-economic class than yourself?

If so how did you handle it?

I really do like both of my friends but I just feel like total crap sometimes when I hang out with either one of them.

First of all, you yourself are pretty damn judge-y of your friends. You paint a pretty bleak picture of both of them. Maybe to your “rich friend” you act or dress “white trash.” And maybe, to your “poor friend” you act like a “rich gal.” They both sound awful according to your descriptions, so either they really are and you should get new friends or you are a judgmental bitch. I have friends from all socioeconomic backgrounds and I don’t really think about it. I have friends that are into different things than I am, and I guess I never relate it to how they grew up or how much money they have.

Lisa: Wow, do you ever hang out with them together? Now THAT would be some Jerry Springer shit. I grew up in the deep south, so I understand the poor people no teeth thing. I also understand the rich people scenario AND I personally own several Gucci purses. Ahem. Anyway, you can be friends with whomever you want, no matter what their socioeconomic status, but what are you actually gaining by being friends with them? If you feel like “crap” it’s a sign that something’s not right. Maybe you’ve just outgrown both of them? Pull the hard fade with both these bitches and find new friends with people who are more on your level.

Erin: I’m still trying to figure out if Jerry Springer is still on the air…

My exboyfriend cheated on me with this woman, then we separated but stayed in contact in all ways even intimately, i didn’t know him and her were together and they just got married. We had sex 2 weeks before the wedding. Do I tell her?

Tell her what? That her new husband is a skank-ass motherfucker? No, stay out of it.

Erin: I agree. Stay out of this mess. And stop all contact, including intimate contact. They deserve each other, assuming she knew he was with someone else when they first hooked up.

Phew, we did it. Another round of questions in the bag. Don’t shoot the messengers! If you have a question for us, use the form on the top right of Miss Rarely Wrong Erin’s page. We will answer all questions (eventually) and with (some) care. As always, your anonymity is golden.


The Interim.


There are books to read. Poetry to be devoured. Dreams to be remembered. All in the waiting. It’s not so bad. There will be another. Another better, another who is a mirror. Until then, long walks alone. Time. Laughs with friends. Words to be written. Countries to visit. Tequila to drink. Drives to be taken. Work to be done. It is okay. Until the one. Until the seeker becomes the one being sought. After Monday, Tuesday. Who were you yesterday? The same, but different. There is music to melt into. Music will save you. Always. Listen loudly. Tangled Up In Blue. Remember that one. Daydream. Fall backwards. There are oceans to swim in. Miles to run. Museums where nothing exists except beauty. Dancing. There are woods to wander in. Bikes to be ridden up hills and then down so fast your breath you can hardly catch. Until then, until him. Mountains to ski, valleys to rest. There is someone. Somewhere. Out there. For you.


Work is weird, she’s insecure + ‘separated’ ain’t divorced.


Erin: Well, well, well. I guess Summer is unofficially over and almost officially over, Lisa. How do you feel about the new season and the new iPhone?

Lisa: As you know, my Aquarian nature thrives on change, and yes I’m getting the new fucking iPhone.

Erin: Yeah, September 21st I can upgrade, and sadly I am a total slave to the Apple dealer. But, we digress. It’s been awhile, we are back to real life. Let’s answer some questions.

I had a meeting with my boss today. I have been working at my job for about 14 days.
He just wanted to touch base with me and how I am feeling about working at this job. we talked a little. I have basically been learning ojt training in an office that could use some improvement in organization It is stressful but I think that I am handling it well.

my boss kind of hinted that one fo the employees came to him about a situation in which they saw me talking with my “trainer” about something and they thought that that my attitude was negative or that I had a negative vibe. He brought this up to me because his office is a very close office of “girls” and he doesnt want them to feel like there is stress going on. he told me that the person was concerned that i wasnt smiling enough and wasnt happy.

I just got out of a really bad job environment. this new job at least I thought was a godsend to me. Granted that I am stressed because everything is foreign to me, I often admit that I am not aware of my facial expressions and they don’t really reflect what I am feeling on the inside. I actually enjoy working there most of the time. I like the girls and even though I dont really know them I thought that my behavior was appropriate.

I was completely taken aback by the fact that someone went up to him and said it. I am consistently open to feedback. I dont like to step on anyones toes at all, and would like to fit in as well. I am somewhat intimidated by the fact that I am the ” new girl” and being a reserved person I’m not one to fully open up for a bit. It’s intimidating that I’m now working in an office where everyone is close except me.

I really dont know what to do. I am hurt to the point of wanting to cry. I am trying to do the best that I can, but am not too thrilled about people judging me when I have been at the job for about 2 weeks. My boss kind of hinted and I at least got the impression that he would like me to change. Reserved as I am I am also succint. I am honest with people and straightforward and wish that people would do the same.

In a way, I’m very confused now. I’m hurt because the person who had the issue didnt really tell me about it. I had to hear it from my boss. Also when I tell him about my quirks, he tells me that a trait of my personality wont work in the office. I’m very confused. Why did he hire me in the first place. Is he telling me that I have to change my personality what about the people who work there already? I understand that there are some adjustments that need to be made, and it’s really too early to make assumptions about anyone and who they are. I dont do that but it seems like some in my office already have. Isint change a 2 way street compromise is about working in the middle? I definitely know who I am and dont really feel that this is all me. I dont know what to do. I want to tell my boss that I was hurt but I dont know what to do. This is eating me up inside. Please help.

Erin: I first need to address the way you vacillate between all lowercase and then proper capitalization. It’s really confusing. Pick a team.

OK. Now, I get that you were caught off guard and I understand that it may be annoying that someone mentioned this to your boss. Unfortunately, in life, people expect certain behavior, especially in the workplace. Don’t run and tell your boss how “hurt” you are. Take this commentary for what it is and honestly look at how you may be perceieved. Although annoying, being aware of how you come across is KEY to making it in almost every industry. No matter what you do, essentially, on some level, with very few exceptions, everything is about selling yourself. I don’t mean selling yourself as in prostitution, I mean proving/showing how valuable your skills are.

Lisa: That’s great advice, Erin, however, there is a little catch phrase in the workforce these days called “corporate culture.” To me, it sounds like you might not be a culture fit with this organization. Having said that, I once had a job in radio, and I worked with all these stupid smiley sorority bitches. It was very hard for me, because that isn’t my personality. You said you actually enjoy working there, most of the time, so if i were you, I would try to stay with that feeling, keep your chin up, and be yourself. If working within this organization isn’t the right fit, i’m sure you will be able to land a job where your worth is more valued.

I have a problem with being insecure in relationships. This past weekend, I got insecure when I thought my boyfriend was ‘checking out’ another girl. We discussed it and he denied it and I realize now that I was overreacting.

The problem is – he now thinks that I’m a very jealous insecure person and he’s freaked out.

Any advice on how to stop being insecure and to mend things with my boyfriend.

Lisa: So, you’re admitting to being insecure. BIG, HUGE, first step, sister. Listen, this may be all on you, but it may not. I was recently with an asshole who I felt insecure with, too. I don’t know why, I just did – it was a feeling. I just didn’t trust him and you know what? I was right about him; it turns out he was an untrustworthy person. So, i understand where you’re coming from. It seems like maybe you might need to work a little on yourself before you start hanging your shit on someone else, though. If he is ‘all freaked out’, whatever with him. Find someone who is understanding of your character defects and can help you heal, not rub salt on the wound. Real relationships operate on trust and understanding. (Unless of course, you are some batshit crazy psycho person.)

Erin: The bottom line is trust. Whether or not you don’t trust him because of your baggage or his behavior is really irrelevant, because unless there is trust, the relationship is doomed. I do think that people, both men and women, look at other people, even when they are in a happy relationship. That does not mean that they are looking to cheat, will cheat, or have cheated. Again, you need the trust there, so that when your significant other may or may not be noticing an attractive (or unattractive) person, it really won’t matter. If he’s with you, it’s probably because he wants to be with you. One last thing, no matter what, nothing will drive someone away faster than freaking out/getting jealous about seemingly insignificant things.

I’ve started dating this girl who’s married, but separated from her husband a few months ago after a long time of counselling etc and it not working. She hasnt loved him for a long time, has taken off her ring etc. I get the impression she’s leaving him for being an a-hole, but dont know details really yet.
They can’t get divorced for another year as they’ve not been married long enough yet.
Is dating her cheating? Adultery? Could it affect her divorce settlement? (She wants divorce, he doesnt)?
I’m completely new to all this, never having married or been in anything like this situation b4

Erin: I am not a family law expert, but I’m pretty sure you can get a divorce whenever. Lawyer friends? Help me out here. Anyway, maybe she is waiting for that 10 year mark, so she receives more alimony? Does it really matter? She is married. This sounds like a truly unhealthy situation to get yourself wrapped up in. If you are just in it for the sex, then whatever, I guess. The onus of responsibility is on her and what she says the status of her relationship is. However, I would never suggest that you get emotionally involved with someone who has so much unravelling left to do.

Lisa: RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN AWAY FROM THIS SITUATION. A few years ago, I started dating a guy who was separated, too. He lived in his own apartment, but still the papers had not been signed. It was a bad idea all around, because as Erin said, there was a lot of unravelling that still needed to be done. The ex-wife was a total fucking nightmare and interjecting myself in that situation caused me a lot of trauma and grief. As for the cheating question, you’re not the one married, so no. Best of luck to you – I understand ;o)

Alright bitches, we’re done. We will be back again next week, pinky swear, to answer more of your burning and itching questions. If you have a question for us, use the form on the top right of Miss Erin’s page. All questions will be answered (eventually) and with (some) care. As always, your anonymity is golden. xoxo