i sit on my back porch watching the union pacific train roll by. i do this a lot. i am uncertain of where the train is going, where it even came from. but i watch it anyway, make up stories about its journey in my head. i drift off into some weird time/space reality, until i know not where i even am anymore. sigh. (before you roll your eyes at my floaty nature, know that i have the unfair advantage in life to be both an only child AND an aquarius, so, please dear reader, cut me a little fucking slack.)
uncertainty – that great pesky presence in our lives – is both a comforting and a confounding notion. no one knows anything, really – with any certainty. i don’t really like thinking about the unknown much. it hurts. it’s too painful. too wrought with scenarios of why this and why not that and why why why. too much for a sensitive little heart + soul like mine to bear. but here i am, sitting alone on the porch with uncertainty as my steadfast companion, questioning everything.
uncertainty. it’s just a word, right? yeah. ummmm, #whatever. this shit BLOWS. but having been on the planet for a while, i do my best to stay in vibrational goodness, yano, i try to stay in a place where the unknown is not a scary, subversive monster, instead choosing to reside in a place of faith (or something close to it). we all wonder what will happen next, what the future may hold. but as far as i can tell, there is no future. there is no forever, no happily ever after. just here, just now. so what is it that you are uncertain of? your career? your next meal? when you will die? when your soul mate will show up? what will happen in five years? five minutes?
who doesn’t want a definitive? a hard truth to hold on to. promises. contracts. but life provides none of these things. life is a moment to moment thing – an unknown. so today, i have decided to embrace uncertainty with wide open arms and a glad spirit. i decide today to live with reckless abandon. to love even though it hurts. to keep my heart open even though it might get broken (again). to treat every hello and every goodbye as a gift. i cry a little. i decide to go to yoga. i decide to write these words. i decide to not let uncertainty rule me. i decide to be happy without a guarantee of anything.
the train is coming by again. where it’s going, i still don’t know and where it’s going isn’t the point anyway.
nope. it’s not the point at all.
@littlebrownbutterfly