Erin: Hey bitch, it’s been awhile. How’s life?
Lisa: (Lisa lets out a deep sigh.) so far, so good, bitch. i bought a new cannondale road bike and i’m on a professional cycling team now. lots of changes. i’m also doing a diet called “the whole 30,” so i’m hangry a lot of the time. how are you doing, miss erin?
Erin: Other than this horrible summer cough, that may or may not be consumption, I’m swell. I have fished out the oldest questions from the inbox, as they’ve been lingering there far too long.
Lisa: ok good, because i’ve missed us.
Q
I‘ve been talking to a guy I like a lot from another state. He’s in Florida and I’m in Connecticut. We’ve been talking for 2 months now and a couple days ago he stops replying/won’t answer any of the new texts I send. He only has an instagram, I have him added on there. He’s liked and uploaded pictures since the 2 days have passed.
Our ages are 19 and 26. I know that seems a little old for me but we have a lot in common and he’s amazing! He does like me too and I know he isn’t catfishing me. Don’t worry. And we aren’t together. Am I being too clingy or what?
I’m just a bit confused and want some advice.
Thank you for the answers.
A
Lisa: if that guy has stopped responding, a- he’s just not that into you, and b- he’s not that amazing.
Erin: I am 100% sure that the dude is hiding something, be it a girlfriend/occupation/true identity/true name etc. You’ve never met him. What we don’t know is if you have video chatted/talked on the phone etc. Maybe the dude on instagram who you thunk you’ve been talking to, doesn’t even know you, because you are indeed being cat-fished.
Lisa: i think you’re infatuated with the idea of who this person might be. whatever you do, DON’T REACH OUT AGAIN because if he doesn’t respond and you’re chasing his ass, it’s YOUR self-esteem that’s taking a hit. trust me.
Erin: The bottom line- move on. It doesn’t matter why he’s not responding.
Q
hello,
I’ll come straight to the point. My girl-friend whom I met a little over a month ago has a two year old son from a previous relationship. In the beginning everything was fine but after about two weeks the first doubts started creeping in on my part whether I would be able to accept another man’s child in my life and whether I could live with this. Feelings of jealousy, frustration and anger took hold of me. Jealous… at a two year old kid who NEEDS his mum. I don’t know how I can have these feelings or where they stem from. I feel awful having these feelings as I see myself as a good person. I also find them very unfair toward my girl-friend and her two year old son. Is it normal for a man to have these feelings and can he ever get rid of them?
When I see the kid (who happens to be very sweet) I don’t see it as my girl-friend’s but as the child of another man. I just cannot seem to wrap my mind around the fact that the woman I love has had a child by another man. I feel I am ready to have children myself, I just don’t want another man’s kids.
The kid still sees his dad when his dad has time to see him and, so I’ve heard, is a good dad.
I’m getting fed up talking to my girl-friend about these feelings of jealousy, frustration and anger and I don’t know if she is the right person to talk to. She is very understanding but obviously does not want to hear the things I am saying to her because they, not surprisingly, stab her right through the heart.
Sometimes I feel I need to finish the relationship because when I think of the ‘enormity’ of the situation I seem to stop functioning. Of course, I like my girl-friend (insofar one can say I love her after one month).
I just want to come to terms with my feelings. Am I being too much of a martyr? Am I being selfish?
A
Erin: Do this woman, and more importantly this child, a favor and end this. Let her find a relationship with a man who can be a man and handle the situation. Don’t fuck up their dynamic by inserting tiny seeds of resentment against an innocent child. Trust me, the kid will pick up on this. It does wonders for the self-esteem in those formative years. I fully understand that it is a complicated situation, which is why you shouldn’t treat it lightly.
Lisa: i don’t necessarily think you are being selfish or a martyr, but i think this probably isn’t the relationship for you. i mean, if she had a haircut you didn’t love or wasn’t as fit as you would prefer her to be, those things can be changed. but she has a living, breathing extension of herself that she is responsible for. so don’t overthink it too much. regardless of why and all that other shit, it doesn’t sound like you can handle the kid thing. move on and give her the chance to find someone who can.
Q
Should I break up with my boyfriend because he is socially awkward?
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year now. We’ve been going through a rough patch lately and talking about problems we have and if we can work through them or not. There’s one thing in particular that I keep thinking about though: he’s socially awkward/rude.
It seems that we’re opposites when it comes to our social lives. Having a social life is very important to me. Whenever I bring him to family functions he stays quiet and constantly stays on his phone, he makes no effort to socialize even when I try to include him in conversation. I’m afraid to have him around my friends, mostly political reasons, he’s conservative and can be very judgmental of people, while most of my friends are more liberal. Even just the two of us going out together can be embarrassing; if one thing goes wrong or he doesn’t get to do what he wants, he’s in a sour mood for the rest of the day.
Basically I’m sick of him getting grumpy when he feels awkward if things don’t go his way and I don’t want to keep having to explain his odd actions to my family and friends.
I’m wondering if it’s selfish of me to allow this to be the deal breaker in our relationship.
Can these type of people change, should I help him work on it?
Or should I just move on with my life?
A
Erin: To get to the point and answer your specific questions: No, it’s not selfish of you to allow this to be the deal breaker. He sounds like a fucking wet blanket. It has been my experience that these types of people do not readily change. I don’t think you should help him work on it. And, yes, you should move on with your life. Don’t waste time with someone who you feel “afraid” to bring around friends and family. Your relationship should be the LEAST STRESSFUL part of your life.
Lisa: in preparation for this question, i took this buzzfeed quiz, which informed me that i am moderately socially awkward.
Erin: OMG, I need to take this test now, because I have been abstaining from BuzzFeed quizzes and this is a perfect freebee. Hold, please.
Lisa: while erin’s taking this quiz, my boyfriend has been telling me that i’m socially awkward, which i take great offense to, because i love people and will talk to just about everyone.
Erin: Ok, I’m back. First, Lisa, I’ve known you for 10 years. You are an oddball and a free spirit, but I don’t ever think of you as socially awkward. And now, the results of my test are…… “Congratulations, you are not awkward at all.”
Lisa: the other issue is he’s a crotchety conservative and you are a lovely liberal, so there’s a great divide between your ideals.
Erin: Anyway, you slice it, this sounds like a poor match. Get out and move on.
Alright, we’ve basically told everyone today to move on and find someone new. It’s Summer! Get outside, have fun, be safe. (Use a condom!) To ask a question, use the form on the top right of Erin’s page. All questions will be answered (eventually and with some care). xoxo
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