i called my columbian pal pilar the other day to tell her i’d met someone, how i was happy and how i was, um, in something frealz this time (maybe). i wrote a blog post about it, too – and the uncertainty of it all. commenting on that post, she was, as she always is, succinct, with no bullshit and straight to the point; she told me she was happy for my happiness, that i was deserving of love and then this: “there may be uncertainty surrounding the circumstances, but none where the feeling is concerned.”
i pondered this for a while. her words struck a chord. i mean, the only thing i really know with any certainty is that we all one day eventually die (sorry to bring it down, brahs) and how i feel from one moment to the next. that’s it, really – all i know.
this past year has been the year of intense and serious work fer yer ‘ol pal lisa. working on really really really paying attention to how i feel has been a time-consuming, moment-to-moment but worthy endeavor. i’m not talking about some whiney-ass, “ohhh, ehhhh, wahhhh, how am i feeling today?” shit. i’m talking about FEELING my way through life. for example: ‘i’m doing this thing right now – how do i feel whilst doing it? terrible? happy? indifferent?’ or THIS fun little one: ‘i’m spending copious amounts of time with this friend/boyfriend/etc – how do i feel when i’m with this person? good? lousy as hell? blah?’
one thought and one feeling (good or bad) lead to another and another and another, so you can see how not feeling good in one instance could really fuck up things for the future, right? and the sad thing is that people go through life like this – miserable and unawares. why? because they don’t really pay attention to how they feel.
i was always taught that feelings are not facts. these days however, i respectfully disagree with that notion. how i feel IS a fact and using feeling as way of navigating life is the easier, softer way. yes. i’ve had to change some things. i don’t hang with peeps that make me feel like shit anymore (try it!). i don’t do things because other people think it’s a good idea for me (try it!). i pay attention simply to the way i feel in each moment. and right now, i feel great. i’m, yano, happy. i want you to feel great and be happy too. the catch though is that you must be vigilant. you must pay attention. you must choose to feel good – letting your feelings point you toward your path of least resistance.
pilar is right. there is no uncertainty with where feeling is concerned. when you know, you know. trust how you feel – and certitude will ensue.
©littlebrownbutterfly