Erin: Lisa, how are you, have you missed me, what’s up?
Lisa: Erin, I’ve missed you terribly and although they say it never rains in Southern California, it’s totally raining in L.A. right now. How’s New York?
Erin: Hot. Hot. Hot. And sweaty. Are you ready, are you prepared to enlighten/ruin people?
Lisa: I was born ready, bitch.
Q.Eating out with ex-boyfriend
Do you think it is a normal for a girl to have a lunch with her ex-boyfriend three times a week when she’s already married? Do you still have contact with your EX? and why?
Lisa: Ummmmm….No. I think it’s totally fucked up actually. I do have limited contact with a select few of my exes. Why? Because a few of them are good guys and I like them, BUT I certainly don’t see them for lunch and shit three times a week. This is very suspicious and I don’t like it at all.
Erin: I have contact with all of my exes who will still speak to me. I tend to leave still wanting a friendship. However, for a variety of reasons, sometimes because they hate me (JK, not really JK) that is not always possible. I do not think it is normal to have lunch with ANYONE three times a week, let alone an ex. Your girlfriend is either: A, using lunch with the ex as a beard for something else. B, having a sordid affair, at least in her mind. Or, C, is extremely co-dependent and has a poor sense of boundaries. Totally normal to be friendly and/or friends with an ex. Totally not normal to be that involved with an ex. Huge Red Flag.
Lisa: Agreed.
Q.Friend’s ALWAYS complaining!
I have a friend with whom I hang out with quite a lot. I enjoy it but she’s always complaining! From her work, friends to family. Its been like this for two years now- and speaking to her is beginning to depress and annoy me now. I really don’t know how to tell her.
Lisa: How do you enjoy hanging out with someone who complains all the time? Being around that kind of energy is totally exhausting. I had a friend who used to complain too and when she started complaining I would get off the phone with her or change the subject as quickly as I could. Or, I would suggest she make a list of all the things she is grateful for in her life.
Erin: We all know someone like this. I have probably been her at times. The frustrating part is that people like this generally do not want to hear our suggestions or advice or the truth. So, at this point in my life, I would probably pull a fade. Sorry!
Lisa: Yeah, most negative people just want to stay in the problem, which sucks. Your last resort might be to tell her you can’t listen to her whining or complaining anymore. But like Erin, I would probably just pull the fade.
Erin: As a parting gift, maybe you could direct her to a good therapist. The operative word being good.
Q.Hi, I’m 36 years old and my bf is 34. Our sex life is great, except for one thing. He wants me to go downtown. And I hate it, like horrible, gag-reflex, hate it. I have always been like this and I don’t know how to change it. To be fair, I don’t expect him to go downtown either, but it seems to come up in a passive aggressive way from him, even though he says he understands. Do you think it’s unreasonable? I just don’t think I’m the girl for that job, but I love him and see a future together. Do you think he is really ok with it?
Erin: Whenever I hear someone say “go downtown,” all that comes to mind is the euphemism for buying drugs. Putting that thought aside, I don’t trust anyone, male or female, who says they don’t like to do that job.
Lisa: EVERY GUY WANTS A BLOW JOB, ALL THE TIME. I’ll bet you a dollar if I asked your boyfriend, he would NOT concur that your sex life is great.
Erin: All this talk of downtown, reminds me of that song…
Erin: I don’t understand your problem. But, I am aware that there are people, who like you, won’t go downtown. I always wonder, Gay? Maybe you don’t like dick. It seems like it would be a deal breaker for most humans. I think that oral sex is a integral part of a healthy sex life and I think that a good lover should enjoy giving and receiving the job.
Lisa: TBH, I quite enjoy the job and I don’t get your issue.
Erin: Lisa, maybe she needs a sex therapist. I don’t know any, but I’m sure you can google that shit.
Lisa: Oy vey, I don’t know about the whole sex therapist thing, but I DO know that your boyfriend is probably not cool with this AT ALL.
Erin: Which is why he’s being passive aggressive… which is about as attractive as not going downtown.
And on that note, If you have a question for us about love, sex, friendship, oysters, lead pencils, kundalini yoga, or anything at all, use the box on the top right of Erin’s page. As always, your anonymity is golden. All questions will be answered (eventually) and with (some) care. xox
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