Category Archives: Hope

those.

May 20, 2014 9:33 am ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅ the trouble with lisa

and there are those who will come in and stay awhile, with halfhearted hopes and lazy smiles. the ones you know better of, the ones you must endure, the ones that will go.

and then there are those who stay but briefly, no harm, no feeling, just time. they pass through you like a ghost, taking what they need, leaving little trace, disappearing into nothing.

and then there are those who are too much to bear for our kind. heart break, soul ache, losing track of the centre line, then this becoming what we expect, every time.

and then there are those that come unannounced – and the settling back into something faraway and familiar ensues, even as reality and rhyme and reason say that it is but a dream.

there are those.

but which are you?

©littlebrownbutterfly

Posted in: hope, lessons, life,, love

that is this.

April 28, 2014 2:05 pm ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅ the trouble with lisa

it was yesterday and she was alone again. and then that day became this day and this day until all the days were gone. one sentence, one unit of measurement. one crash course in hurt. there were things, of course. things of great beauty. like the trees, leaves so green that her eyes burned. or the sky, so blue that it made her soul cry.

little things, big things, no big deal things. everything all at once and then nothing things.

isn’t that the way it is? isn’t this the way that is? the learning.

until we come out from under the days into the nothing, into the blue sky, into ourselves.

©littlebrownbutterfly

Posted in: existential crisis, hope, lessons, life,

on certitude + feeling good.

April 14, 2014 1:09 pm ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅ the trouble with lisa

i called my columbian pal pilar the other day to tell her i’d met someone, how i was happy and how i was, um, in something frealz this time (maybe). i wrote a blog post about it, too – and the uncertainty of it all. commenting on that post, she was, as she always is, succinct, with no bullshit and straight to the point; she told me she was happy for my happiness, that i was deserving of love and then this: “there may be uncertainty surrounding the circumstances, but none where the feeling is concerned.”

i pondered this for a while. her words struck a chord. i mean, the only thing i really know with any certainty is that we all one day eventually die (sorry to bring it down, brahs) and how i feel from one moment to the next. that’s it, really – all i know.

this past year has been the year of intense and serious work fer yer ‘ol pal lisa. working on really really really paying attention to how i feel has been a time-consuming, moment-to-moment but worthy endeavor. i’m not talking about some whiney-ass, “ohhh, ehhhh, wahhhh, how am i feeling today?” shit. i’m talking about FEELING my way through life. for example: ‘i’m doing this thing right now – how do i feel whilst doing it? terrible? happy? indifferent?’ or THIS fun little one: ‘i’m spending copious amounts of time with this friend/boyfriend/etc – how do i feel when i’m with this person? good? lousy as hell? blah?’

one thought and one feeling (good or bad) lead to another and another and another, so you can see how not feeling good in one instance could really fuck up things for the future, right? and the sad thing is that people go through life like this – miserable and unawares. why? because they don’t really pay attention to how they feel.

i was always taught that feelings are not facts. these days however, i respectfully disagree with that notion. how i feel IS a fact and using feeling as way of navigating life is the easier, softer way. yes. i’ve had to change some things. i don’t hang with peeps that make me feel like shit anymore (try it!). i don’t do things because other people think it’s a good idea for me (try it!). i pay attention simply to the way i feel in each moment. and right now, i feel great. i’m, yano, happy. i want you to feel great and be happy too. the catch though is that you must be vigilant. you must pay attention. you must choose to feel good – letting your feelings point you toward your path of least resistance.

pilar is right. there is no uncertainty with where feeling is concerned. when you know, you know. trust how you feel – and certitude will ensue.

©littlebrownbutterfly

Posted in: hope, lessons, life,, love

crystal vision + clearing the way.

March 4, 2014 12:16 pm ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅ the trouble with lisa

i sold my house three months ago. i was at the airport in mexico when i got the call from my realtor who told me we we had an offer that was legit, the buyers were frealz and i needed to find another place to live, “oh you know, pretty quickly”. i said ok, wrote a sad goodbye ditty to mr. morningstar, got a coffee and stared at strangers getting on planes. i wondered where i’d move, what it would look like. i wondered what part of the city i’d soon be living. until that moment, i’d only thought of selling my house and actually moving as an idea that some future would bring because other things were happening that i was focused on. ahem.

staying stubbornly true to my detached and lofty (read: total pain in the ass) aquarian nature, i only had a vague, blurry vision of what i wanted: close to downtown. a couple of bedrooms. i hired another realtor. i drove around for days to suss out the vibe of each potential ‘hood. i got discouraged. i cried a few times. i called my mother. sometimes on the road we travel, we lose sight of where we were going in the first place and and why we even started out on the journey; sure there were a lot of places out there to live, but none of them were feeling right and none of it was feeling good.

…and then i remembered that i had to ask for what i wanted because the vague, lofty, detached shit wasn’t working. i needed to be clear on the vision. what i wanted was out there, somewhere – and just because i couldn’t see it/feel it/touch it was of little matter. faith always wins over fear, right? right. the tough thing about this ‘lil lesson in clarity is that it works for everything – but, um, it’s the consciously applying it to every-single-thing-every-goddamned day that’s the bitch. we forget. we slip into negative shit with negative people. the rule is that what you want exists, but you have to believe and proceed accordingly with ev-er-y-thing, not just the occasional, haphazard thought of that eventual boyfriend/girlfriend/job/house/parking spot. get really clear and watch what happens. get really clear on how you want to feel and pay close attention to what’s happening around you when you feel good. get really clear on the type of people you wanna be around and watch who rolls into your atmosphere. get really clear on what you want to see with your eyes and then open them. get really clear and watch whatever you want appear. i found my groovy pad with little effort, by focusing – and by knowing – it existed.

remember what you want. see it. feel it like you already have it. it’s there anyway, waiting for you to stop staring at strangers, wanting you to get on the plane – waiting to take you wherever it is you want to go.

for erin in nyc + a certain someone in austin, tx.

©littlebrownbutterfly

Posted in: hope, lessons, life,

valentine’s day, broken hearts + tinder.

February 13, 2014 2:37 pm ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅ the trouble with lisa

Well, it’s Valentine’s Day tomorrow. Lisa, what are your thoughts?

Lisa: well, last year i drove through in n out burger and got myself a burger and fries. so, I’m hoping that this year will be better. eh. whatev.

Erin: Last year, I found a dead kitten in my garage and had to enlist the help of my friends to pick it up with a shovel and put it in a box. And 2 years before that, I got lice! This is a mere sampling of the stellar Valentine’s Days I have had.

Lisa: yeah, I’m not really in to valentine’s day, but maybe it would be different if i had a valentine. who knows? who cares?

Erin: I am generally opposed to going out to dinner on Valentine’s Day or receiving flowers that some schmuck paid triple for because of the date. Also, what about those people who say Valen-times Day? Okay, enough of this babble. These people need help.

“So our first date was great, he’s the type of guy that’s very confident & he brings out the smart ass in me for some reason so when we talk were a little smart ass to each other. Here’s my dilemma, second date last night & from the moment he picked me up he was being such a smart ass that it started to go too far and it was becoming more rude than jokey. I was getting upset because I didn’t understand how he didn’t realise I was getting mad & I didn’t understand why he thought he could take it so far and talk to me like that. Anyway I ended up being like ‘stop being such a dick’ & when we went to get food I felt so uncomfortable I didn’t order anything and just sat there on my phone being pissed off. He said sorry he didn’t realise I was actually getting annoyed & that he wasn’t intentionally doing it. I wouldn’t drop it & couldn’t help but keep a grudge. I just kept saying how he treated me like **** & I don’t get why you’d do that blah blah. Afterwards we got a drink and chatted and I got over it. He said he was nervous so he over compensated by being over the top & that he really wanted to hangout with me tonight. Night ended good we got over it and went back to normal. This morning I feel so bad, I’m annoyed at myself cause I feel like I overreacted and kept dragging it on and being such a princess about it all I should have just been like stop being rude & moved on not dwelled & constantly said how annoyed I was or how **** he had made me feel ect. I txt him saying sorry I was just in an annoyed mood I didn’t mean to over react and he was like nah all good I appreciate the apology.. but now I’m worried I’ve ruined my chances with him & that he thinks I’m some crazy girl who holds grudges and over reacts & gets pissed easily. What do you think? How can I fix this? What do you think he thinks of me now?”

Lisa: i have no idea what he thinks of you now, but i do know you need to CHiLLAX. the whole reason we go on dates is to find this shit out about people. we go out with people so we can see if we are a match – if enough of the same things line up. it’s risky business for sure and hey, if you blew it with this guy, whatever. at least you are moving closer to what you do want by knowing what you don’t want – get it? a guy who is too sassy ass ain’t for you.

the way you can fix it is by letting it alone. if you see him again, don’t beat the horse that is already laying on the ground dead. be light. be cool. be you. i’ll think you’re fine here.

Erin: Dear Dude Dating Uptight Girl….RUN!

Seriously, girlfriend, you need to let it go. In my experience, when a dude says “nah, all good,” that’s code for- “I’m gonna let crazy down easy.” If he’s brave and/or stupid, he will give you a pass. Don’t pull this crap again. It makes you look crazy. If he does something that bugs, tell him, and then drop it. (Unless he really is an ass and keeps ragging on you, then you should run!)

Lisa: i just went out with a guy that complained the whole night on our first date, but fortunately for him, ~~i like him~~ and i can see beyond the petulant mistakes he was making on the first date.

Erin: Lisa….RUN!

“My girlfriend just broke up with me 2 hours ago. I don’t know how I feel at the moment. but I’m terrified at how I am going to feel in a few hours or tomorrow. I feel so lost without her, I don’t know what to do anymore. We we’re together for 1 year, and I never loved another girl the way I loved her and we we’re talking about a future together, getting married, having kids, getting a house and having a family of our own, but those dreams got shattered like broken glasses and my heart feels shattered into pieces, I still can’t believe she broke up with me, I am crying as I am writing this at the same time, so I am wiping my tears at the same time. . Celeste baby I love you a lot from the bottom of my heart, and I can’t believe you ended our beautiful relationship, when everything was going well for us, I miss you already baby and I want you back Sad Sad Sad Sad I LOVE YOUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don’t know what to do.”

Erin: Celeste, RUN!!!

Ok, Mr. Shattered Heart…I am guessing that you are young. Because when you are old, like me, you will understand that you will probably love again, many times. And it will be different, but it won’t be any less amazing/awful.

Don’t run after her. Take a breath, pull yourself together, don’t drink (The alcohol will make it worse.), exercise (I know this sounds crazy, but trust me, you need all the endorphins you can get.), and keep yourself as busy as possible with friends, sex with strangers (Use a condom!), the Olympics- whatever works.

Lisa: dear mr. shattered heart pieces, i personally have never been broken up with. i’m usually the one that does the breaking up. so my perspective on your situation is that you owe this girl a thank you. she’s given you the space and freedom to find the right person for you. and i would also like to say, i was married, did have a kid and a house with someone, and the grass is always greener from the other side of the fence. what i would recommend is to let her go with love and get on tinder immediately- so you can see there are a million bitches in the sea.

Erin: As someone who has done both the breaking up and been broken up with- it is not always less painful to be the breaker. Actually, I have done a more thorough job of breaking my own heart than anyone else has.

RE: Tinder

I’ve literally swiped my way through every dude in Seattle. Do I live in the wrong city? Am I really that picky? And why are they all so fucking “zany” #swipeleft #tinderthis

Lisa: OMG tinder is my fucking nemesis. ~~i only get on it when i’m home in los angeles~~. you do not live in the wrong city, seattle is baller. and yes, you are that picky, and that’s a good thing. i know a few peeps who are constantly/obsessively on tinder. i see the guys that they go for and it’s literally like scraping the bottom of the barrel. gross. please ladies: don’t be so desperate.

Erin: Good grief. I am fascinated, in that watching a slow car crash sort of a way, by Tinder and the cornucopia of phone apps and websites devoted to getting people laid. Because, truthfully, isn’t that what they’re for? I have heard urban myths about people finding love on the digital plane, but I am skeptical at best. I think they’re great for fun, for sex (Use a condom!), for “getting back out there.” But, I don’t think you can take them too seriously.

However, if I was single, I would be all over them, because the stories that come out of the many bad dates are priceless!

Lisa: erin, cornucopia is a good descriptive term, i.e. cornucopia of losers. since tinder is basically a facebook app, how many of the people on your facebook do you want to go out with, really? #YOSO (you only swipe once) – KEEP ON SWIPING, SISTER SLEDGE.

Erin: Re: Zany. Oof! I feel your pain. Gentleman, when a lady makes that long list of ideal traits in a dude, zany is never, ever, ever on that list. If it is, RUN! #nozanyzone

…

Keep the questions coming. Watch your grammar. Use a condom. We will back next week to answer more! Use the form on the top right of rarely wrong erin to ask a question. Your anonymity is golden. HVD!

xoxo

Posted in: dating, hope, love

close misses + mountaintops.

September 3, 2013 10:31 pm ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅ the trouble with lisa

my best girl gabi and i talk often about close misses – something closer to what you want, but still not. quite. right. akin to the scarier and more widely-known ‘near miss’, close misses happen all the time, in all areas of life. when applied to the topic of love relationships and DATING – which is the hell i have been living for exactly one year, three days and 27 hours now – my experience with the close miss has been both an exhaustive and extensive one. in short, dear readers, i am an expert on the subject, so yano, lucky you. the CM is most apparent with those souls we meet in our fragile journey to find love: someone you think is right/perfect/the one, but slips, falters, fades and disappears: a miss, albeit a close one. gabrielle and i talked through this idea for some time loftily, with care, examining the impact, scope and the sheer importance of the close miss. our findings:

-the close miss is actually a good thing. key lessons and takeaways can be extracted from each CM experience. realizing how close you’ve gotten makes it easy to grasp that perhaps the real thing is out there, does exist. is closer – just not present or in your limited field of view yet. get it? got it? good.

-the CM is an indicator that you might still have some work to do, ESPECIALLY with regard to romantic relationships. look, we all get sad and fucked up when things don’t work out, but hey, in the area of love, the CM is your friend, i promise. you find the qualities and traits that are closer to what you want in a partner/friend/lover but that don’t add up and, ultimately, won’t serve you in the long run. for example: she’s cute, she’s sassy, but she sweats you down about the small shit? close, but a miss. OR: he’s a babe, dresses well, is successful, but still lives with his mom? um, close, but no cigar. MISS.

the hardest part about the close miss is that it’s a retrospective, hindsight 20/20 sort of thing. in other words, it really blows in the moment, but when we’ve moved far enough beyond it we see the lesson of why it was a miss in the first place. like an energetic truth mountain we must climb, every miss is a stepping stone that leads us closer to our summit, to the place we want to be. and who knows? perhaps one day we’ll reach the top and turn around to look upon the vast beauty of where we’ve been, seeing a valley of scattered close misses below…but the painted sky above – waiting patiently for us to climb in and begin again.

-for gabrielle t, my soul sis-star.

Posted in: existential crisis, familiarity, hope, love